The Albany Gazette - The Silent Crisis: Why Women’s Loneliness Remains Overlooked

The global conversation around loneliness has become heavily skewed toward men, creating a public perception that the crisis is uniquely male. However, extensive research and expert analysis suggest that women are experiencing levels of isolation comparable to their male counterparts, yet their struggles remain largely invisible in media narratives and policy discussions.

While the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a global public health priority, coverage has disproportionately focused on what has been termed the "male loneliness epidemic." Global search interest for "male loneliness" surged dramatically in mid-2023, whereas interest in "female loneliness" has remained marginal. This disparity persists even though data consistently shows that women and girls are often more likely to report chronic loneliness than men.

In 2024, the UK government commissioned specific research into loneliness among boys and young men. The final report acknowledged that girls and women reported higher rates of chronic loneliness but paradoxically interpreted this as further evidence of a crisis in men, arguing that men are less likely to speak up or seek help. In media framing, male loneliness has been conceptualized as a distinct, specific issue, while female loneliness is often ignored or conflated with general social isolation.

Michelle Lim, a principal research fellow at the University of Sydney and chief executive of Australia’s Ending Loneliness Together campaign, notes that this confusion stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what loneliness actually is. "When I tell people that I study loneliness, sometimes they ask, ‘Oh, men’s loneliness?’" Lim says. "I have to say, ‘No, no – everyone’s loneliness.’"

Loneliness is defined as the subjective sense that one’s social relationships lack in quality, quantity, or both. It is distinct from social isolation, which is an objective measure of the absence of connection. Data indicates that men are more likely to be socially isolated, having fewer people they talk to. Because men often value "shoulder-to-shoulder" socializing and physical presence over emotional intimacy, observers assume they are more lonely if they lack these interactions. However, if men are satisfied with their current level of connection, they may not feel lonely despite being isolated.

Women, by contrast, tend to be more socially connected but often report feeling lonely within those relationships. This phenomenon can stem from interpersonal conflict, ambivalence, or the feeling of being alone in one’s individual experience despite being surrounded by others. Experts argue that this is partly an equity issue. Women are more likely to be carers, earn less on average, have less financial security, and are more vulnerable to adverse life events such as redundancy and divorce. These factors predispose women to greater loneliness.

The disparity became particularly evident during the early stages of the Covid-19 pandemic. While both genders reported increased loneliness, the rise was significantly larger for women. Experts attributed this to the disproportionate increase in women’s workload, particularly overseeing children’s schooling and managing household responsibilities. Spending more time on housework and caregiving reduces the time and energy available for social connection. Manuela Barreto, a professor of social and organizational psychology at the University of Exeter, describes this as a "very gendered experience," noting that the added loneliness comes from shouldering the burden alone.

Life transitions also drive loneliness differently for men and women. Barreto suggests that women are often more affected by children growing up and leaving home, as being a mother is typically more central to a woman’s identity than being a father is to a man’s. Additionally, menstrual health plays a significant but underestimated role. A 2022 Japanese study found an association between loneliness and severe premenstrual symptoms in teenage girls. Chronic pain from conditions like endometriosis can prevent women from socializing or being fully present with others.

Sasha, a 38-year-old from Sydney who requested anonymity, experienced this firsthand. She has endometriosis and spent two difficult years trying to conceive through multiple miscarriages and IVF. "That was the first time in my life that I had felt lonely," she says. She describes miscarriage as "the loneliest of experiences," causing her to withdraw socially because it is a type of grief difficult for others to understand.

When Sasha gave birth to her daughter, she found herself physically and emotionally exhausted, far from the joyful state she had expected. The shock of new motherhood deepened her sense of alienation. "Particularly having a much-wanted baby you’ve really fought for, you think, ‘I’m not entitled to feel anything except joy,’" she says. Even her partner, though involved, could not relate to her experience, as his life had not changed to the same degree.

Sasha’s experience highlights how identity shifts and medical struggles can isolate women even when they are socially connected. "All those things that you read about, about why men might be lonely – they don’t maintain one-on-one friendships, or they’re not good at reaching out... none of those issues apply to me," she says. "I’m a very socially connected person." Yet, during her first year of motherhood, she often felt alone due to the intensity of the identity shift and the lack of shared understanding.

Loneliness among women also springs from self-comparison and deviating from expected life paths. Laura, 41, from Auckland, describes her loneliness as "almost like a feeling of panic." She recalls attending a dinner with school friends who spoke exclusively about their children. As the only non-parent, she felt shut out, not because they excluded her deliberately, but because no one was interested in her life.

Laura is single and lives alone, while many of her close friends have families or live far away. She works hard to expand her network, but it feels effortful compared to the easy companionship of a partner or flatmate. "Not having ‘that default unit’... comes with a sense of doing everything alone," she says. She also notes the impact of sexist stereotypes: "A man alone is self-sufficient, taking this bold, brave step, versus a woman living alone is a failure, left on the shelf... a weird, unlovable spinster." While she does not believe this of herself, she worries about how others perceive her.

Men have their own gendered drivers of loneliness, particularly the expectation to be stoic and self-sufficient. Barreto suggests that this expectation may drive the attention on the male "epidemic," as it is considered surprising and newsworthy when men feel lonely. While lonely women tend to internalize the problem and "get on with it," the consequences for men can be more severe, with higher global rates of suicide among males.

However, Barreto cautions against assuming a straightforward link between male loneliness and threat. The concept of a "male loneliness epidemic" suggests a single, sweeping event rather than a highly individual process. "Loneliness is a subjective experience, so it needs to be assessed in that way," she says.

Experts argue that instead of comparing genders, society needs to augment its understanding of both, including non-binary individuals. "We need to look at gendered life experiences, and link those to how they are hindering or facilitating our social connection," Barreto says. By engaging with the specificity of these experiences, interventions can be more effective.

Data points to a productive path forward. A 2022 study of 30 countries found that nations with higher levels of gender equality had lower rates of loneliness for both men and women. Researchers hypothesized that equality is more conducive to high-quality, close relationships. This aligns with other research showing loneliness to be a socioeconomic issue. Improving social infrastructure and living standards may benefit everyone more than focusing solely on treating "male loneliness."

For individuals like Sasha, sharing experiences can alleviate isolation. When she became pregnant with her second child, she engaged a therapist and sought out honest accounts of motherhood to avoid repeating the fraught experience of her first. Her second postpartum period was easier, and speaking openly about her difficult road to parenthood helped others feel less lonely while easing her own burden. "I found the more open I was, the more connected I felt," she says.

Support resources are available for those struggling with loneliness. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and MensLine on 1300 789 978. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, individuals can call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.

(E.Taylor--TAG)